embracing my inner child

To be honest, I’ve been feeling a bit all over the place lately. Excited about opportunity one moment…completely overwhelmed and defeated the next. For as much as I try to live in the present, I’m a worry-wart at heart: an endless planner, a list checker, a goal seeker. In the midst of all of that, I can’t help but look forward to a vacation – a trip away from the hustle and the responsibilities and all the messy grown-up stuff. I’m either all-in or not at all; there is no in-between with me.

Do you ever wonder why childhood was so magical? Why we look back on it with both fond hearts and a sadness of its passing? Sure, we didn’t have to worry about paying the bills or pursuing careers or making good first impressions or being a well rounded human. But beyond lacking the responsibilities that come with being an adult – and perhaps because of this very thing – children live wholeheartedly, unselfconsciously, in the present. They have an instinct, and they act on it – often without thinking about the consequences. They immerse themselves wholly in their current state of pretend – not thinking about its silliness or what “goals” it will achieve. They’ll eat that ice cream cone because…why wouldn’t you? Any “detriment” it may cause does not matter to someone living for the present moment.

(I think that’s why I became an actor.)

We can’t live a life without ever putting plans in place or thinking about the outcomes of our actions; our lives and the world would be in one big state of chaos. But sometimes, I think we should pull a page from the children’s book and decide to just be wherever we are. To embrace it, to enjoy it. To not juggle 100 things at once or stress about that phone call I have to make tomorrow. If maybe, just for today, only right now mattered.

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I’m working on quieting my brain. On letting go. On accepting that with the work, so follows the success. On embracing my inner child.

Outfit: Madewell tee (sold out), thrifted Free People denim from The Closet, thrifted cardigan from Whimsy and RowPayless saddle shoes, Fjallraven backpack in “Brick”.

P.S. The solution is simple and chasing slow.

-wonderland sam

imdb.me/samanthalee

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actress/texan kickin' it in los angeles. always searching for my next pizza. cia agent in another life.

18 thoughts on “embracing my inner child

  1. Hahaha, you perfectly describe how I often fell about this desire to wanna be a kid again as I step back and see my 3 and 5 year play endlessly without much care in the world. You’re absolutely right though! As an adult, it’s too easy to get caught up with mundane responsibilities and thinking too long term at times that we fail to live in the moment and enjoy life for what it is now rather than worry about it tomorrow. I absolutely love your writing. With every word I read, I felt as if I was right there with you as you describe a something I guess I rarely take time to reflect on. Subscribed!

    1. Thanks so much for your kind comment Jorge! When my anxiety is through the roof I really have to just pause, take some deep breaths, and focus only on what’s happening in the present moment. I often find that worrying about anything beyond that isn’t helpful – and it causes us live in this constant cycle of worry worry worry instead of really LIVING, you know? Love your photography by the way!

    1. Thanks so much Lindsey! This school is near me but had never thought of it as a shoot location until the other week I happened to walk by and LOVED all the color. 🙂

  2. Love this piece Sam. A few years ago I spent some time working with a wonderful career coach, and one of the most enlightening exercises was writing down all of my favorite games/activities/interests/hobbies from my childhood. It took me a little while to conjure up all the memories but, once I had my list, it became clear that the things I loved as a kid are the same passions I have now – it’s just that I hadn’t made time for them (because being an adult got in the way). It was a fascinating insight into my inner child.

    http://www.thislifeisbelle.com

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