the architect

I’m pretty sure certain I’ve spoken numerous times about the contradiction that is my brain and the anxiety that courses through it and my efforts to battle/live through/survive it. I even took a personality test, not once, but twice (because how could this be true??), and came out with this personality: Architect: INTJ-T, which apparently only makes up 2% of the ENTIRE HUMAN POPULATION. The most glaring statement about this personality trait? “INTJs are able to live by glaring contradictions that nonetheless make perfect sense”.

Strength of individual traits: Introverted: 31%, Intuitive: 70%, Thinking: 25%, Judging: 43%, Turbulent: 86%.
Role: Analyst
Strategy: Constant Improvement

Mind: Introverted individuals prefer solitary activities and get exhausted by social interaction. They tend to be quite sensitive to external stimulation (e.g. sound, sight or smell) in general.

Energy: Intuitive individuals are very imaginative, open-minded and curious. They prefer novelty over stability and focus on hidden meanings and future possibilities.

Nature: Thinking individuals focus on objectivity and rationality, prioritizing logic over emotions. They tend to hide their feelings and see efficiency as more important than cooperation.

Tactics: Judging individuals are decisive, thorough and highly organized. They value clarity, predictability and closure, preferring structure and planning to spontaneity.

Identity: Turbulent individuals are self-conscious and sensitive to stress. They are likely to experience a wide range of emotions and to be success-driven, perfectionistic and eager to improve.

So, there you go. I think the “Nature” category is a bit off because I am 100% emotional. But that “Identity” category? Yup.

Anyway, my point is – last week I was a ball of anxiety, but today? Today I feel excited. About life. For no particular reason. And I like that. I LOVE that.

I’m listening to music. I’m feeling inspired all over the place. I’m excited about trying new beauty products to make me feel better about myself. I’m excited about redoing our entire apartment and finally buying new furniture and getting rid of all those hand me downs. I’m excited about having a space that makes me feel calm and relaxed and just happy. I’m excited about smelling rose body oil and new candles because I’m nothing if completely affected by the senses. I’m excited to try a new restaurant and try all the best chocolate chip cookies in LA (I mean, C’MON, chocolate chip cookies are the most important thing in the world to me, so this is basically going to be the best thing ever). I’m excited for the sun coming out and warmer weather. I’m excited to feel sore (kind of because it hurts but also because I’m changing my body and that is a GOOD THING). I’m excited to try an aerial silks class this weekend. To go on a hike or to the beach. And to watch free movies because I get to actually VOTE to award real actors real awards. I’m excited to see my mom in a few weeks. I’m excited to snuggle my dog. I’m excited to try meditation and to schedule that massage already.

I’m excited to not let anyone get in the way of my happiness.

I’m excited because I am SLOWING DOWN and LETTING GO and letting life BE but also DOING THE THING.

I hope I can keep riding this wave. But at least for this moment, I feel excited.

Also, I really can’t wait to share our new space once it’s all outfitted. We are DOING THINGS, yo.

Also (also), I know this space has kind of transformed into a legit journal instead of one of photos and crafts and all that jazz. And you know what? I’m okay with that.

-wonderland sam

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actress/texan kickin' it in los angeles. always searching for my next pizza. cia agent in another life.

2 thoughts on “the architect

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