living intentionally

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On Monday I posted a photo on Instagram and declared that my goals for this week were to live intentionally and to live in the present. Separate but codependent, these two things are easier said than done. As a persistent planner/worrier/control freak, my mind is always running all over the place. I simultaneously feel nostalgic sorrow while dreaming of future times. How can I be so contradictory?

I am always, always seeking ways to improve my life. My life is good. It can always be better. I don’t want to live with simple contentment, but instead I want to feel full of fulfillment (is that repetitive?). I also don’t want to forever feel unsatisfied or be on a constant search for more, more, more…better, better, better. How do I do this?

I just finished reading the book, Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less. Maybe one day I’ll talk more about it, maybe I won’t. The biggest takeaway for me is doing literally only what is absolutely essential for YOU. Essential for your happiness, your well-being, your aspirations – not for anyone else’s. It’s about living in the present moment and doing what is necessary right now. It’s a recommended book for sure, and though I checked it out from the library, I may buy a copy to keep, so I can make notes and refer back to it.

My long-winded point is this: I don’t want to waste a moment of my life. Things will be hard and not always pleasant, but I want every moment to mean something. I want to take a big hard look at my life and decide what is really, truly important to me, and focus on that. I don’t want to make excuses or waste my time on things that are completely useless and provide no sense of fulfillment. Everything in my life, in your life, should be for something. It can be for your health, your sanity, your goals, whatever. Every new day you are a day older, and as morose as it sounds, every new day you have lost a day. So how do you want to live your life?

I don’t know how I’m going to do this. Honestly, I’m overwhelmed at the thought of it all (as I often am). There is so much in my life I want to do and be and feel – where do I start? But I don’t want to be another one of the masses who isn’t living the exact life I want. Why do we see see others’ lives (the curated version) and feel envy and heartache when we can make those exact things happen for ourselves – if that’s what we want. I’ve talked about it before, but it’s just about DOING THE THING.

Baby steps, you guys. Currently? I’m focusing on my mental and physical health. I’ve started exercising regularly. I’m reading more and attempting to cut out the digital noise. I’m planning trips, so I can clear my mind and experience life. I may start meditating (don’t make fun). I can’t conquer everything at once, but I can work towards making improvements. I’m hoping to share more regularly as I implement more mindful practices into my life – and how I benefit from them.

Coincidentally, as I thought about writing this, I read this post this morning. If you want to go on this journey with me, those suggestions are a good place to start.

-wonderland sam

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actress/texan kickin' it in los angeles. always searching for my next pizza. cia agent in another life.

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