balance

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I struggle with finding balance. To me, it’s usually an all or nothing thing. I either have to binge watch Netflix all day or cross off my to-dos like a maniac. I go from attending casting director workshops and submitting for projects and emailing industry contacts and reading Backstage articles to taking a step back and relaxing and letting go of the desperation. It has been very tricky for me to balance on that fine line somewhere in between.

This applies to pursuing my interests and discovering what I want from life in general. I want to do too many things. Or I want to do nothing. Everything inspires me, but everything bogs me down with too much information – my brain cannot possibly absorb all of it. I’m still working on this. Working on relaxing but staying motivated, working on gathering information but taking it with a grain of salt and ultimately trusting my own instincts. Working on being okay with the fact that I want to be and do a great many things but also that it’s okay for me to change my mind and not want to be or do certain things.

There is no blueprint for life. There are no steps to take that will ensure complete and utter happiness and success. It’s all about recognizing who you are, being okay with that, and doing what works for you. We are all different and complex and crazy, and it’s about accepting that. I must accept that I am all of the things I am, and I feel all of the things I feel, and that is okay. All we can do is focus is on the present moment and the current journey we are on – doing the things that promote love and joy. This is what I keep telling myself to keep me sane.

I read this and this yesterday and loved both – take a look. Everything above probably made no sense, but these women are so much more eloquent than I am.

-wonderland sam

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actress/texan kickin' it in los angeles. always searching for my next pizza. cia agent in another life.

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